mezmorized

uhhhhhmmm i forgot that i even had a blogspot. sorry guys lol

iam alive.

anyway things are going amazing, just been working & getting super excited for the summer!

other than that just adapting to this new way of life, becoming more 'normal' everyday :)

its grrrrreat

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

today is finally the day we have all been waiting for!!!!!

:)

i love birthdays so much! :)

blueberry muffins.sparkles.out to lunch.presents.ravioli.cake.presents.balloons.PARTIES!!!!.laughing.hugging.more sparkles.

SE7EN DAYS FOLKS!!!! :)

the offical one week countdown to the greatest day in 2008 is on. Even thought i always feel like my birthday is like the week before, of, an after. everything just starts going right && the presents && cards start coming. :) WOOOO for that! :)

so things have been going excellent for me! the deli life actually suits me. i like slicing meat it makes me feel important. :) haha.

i recently decided i might as well go to school && do something with my life ( haha) so the word on the streets is that albertsons will put me through pharmasist school for free. so the plan is that your local drug addict will now be handeling your drugs. hahaha ONLY KIDDING i dont even like over the counter meds. ;)

so ive just been getting ready for halloween... got my pumpkin carved( see above)
my costume together. && my lovin october face on ( see above above)

i hate days off work. i get so bored out of my goard(?) that i end up doing extreme amounts of housework. yuck. i have read like seven books. an probably would have written a couple if my neck didnt hurt so bad from looking down for so long.

its always when you need spare time you dont have any && when you need something to do there is nothing but housework.

i felt like nothing could explain my exact reaction to spraying cobwebs off the house but this picture.

so last night i hung out with my friend jason && we started a game of monopoly which i have not played in years. i naturally was the funny looking shoe. it just seemed to fit. 2 hours later i was handing my rear to him on a silver platter. i was bartering partial rent due to my lack of money. i ended up paying $28 on a $60 rent but i did throw in a piece of pizza an a cool pencil i had in my purse. i manage to get by. haha

too bad i couldnt pay rent like that in real life. :) ill give you $125 plus some chocolate chip cookies, a few used phone books, an a antique lamp? :)

shrimp string cheese honey mustard bits an pieces honeydew

today was my first offical day of work. well folks im letting you know now the deli is not all its cracked up to be. i had to touch a sinkload of nasty raw chicken an clean a triple yucky deep fryer (whoever invented that thing should be shot. its frikkin sick) but its a job. an it is kinda cool to say that i am a Delicatessen(ee?)hahaha.

the reprocussions of my awful lifestyle have definatly been catching up with me within the past few weeks. i want to quit smoking so so so so so bad. its gross, it stinks, not to mention its killing me! now that i have found myself an my serenity again i cant believe i ever started smoking! EW! but no matter what i try i cant stop. i just get irritated when i try to quit, an i shake, est. each day i just get to the point where im like, i just need to have a cigarette. it calms me down. how is it that something so disgusting can be so addictive? what the fudrukkers??

i had a amazzzzzzzzing night last night. got to hang out with my boyfriend who can be absolutly a hoot. :) he made me dinner which was delicious. he is just one of those people i can talk to about absolutley anything at all && he gets me. well as much as anyone can i guess. lol im not afriad to admit i am a little crazy. but getting less an less by the day. my goal is to someday reach some sort of level of normalacy? well you know what i mean. wait a minute...im a howell. guess the normal thing is out the door. hahhaha
anyway i definatly thank god for the little things he does && people he puts in my life who believe in me when i feel like i cant believe in myself, who kick me outta bed in the morning when i dont wanna get up, an who yell at me when i need it. :)

all in all thursday has been dubbed thinking thursday.

wednesday?

hahha okay after i made that last post i realized that it was indeed wednesday not tuesday. haha
oh well maybe i needed a thankful tuesday late. :) i was thrown off though obviously with my questionable monday post that was a tuesday. haha

thankful tuesday

tears, terror, thankful, tangerines, thinking, thoughts, trees, two, three
warm bed to sleep in tonight. :) My Megan, my funny bunny brothers ( one of which happens to be groweling at me right now haha), my mother she is fantastic, my higher power & the forgiveness he offers me, Sarah Mclachlan, a super duper boyfriend who makes me smile. :) my health...

So i am currently making the switch from myspace to blogspot. Im just done with all the junk on myspace. So i have a post that i made on myspace not to long ago that i would like to add onto here because i think it still applies to today && there are people who i would still like to read it .:)


twists an turns
its funny how drastically your life can change in the span of even a day.i have been going through alot of changes, some good, some bad, some just plain ugly. but once again i have found my serenity, an amoungst the twists an turns my life i still have the building blocks of support an love. true colors come out when times are hard. friends i thought would stick by my side fade away but i can understand selfishness. it is indeed what i was based off of until this past week. but the light in my mind has gone on i have been left with myself, my incredible family, my baby boy, an most importantly my higher power. so no matter where i go, who i meet, what i wear, est, est. iam okay. no, im great.:)through all this madness i have unfortuanatly hurt alot of precious people an i would like to apologize to all those people. most of them i hurt completley unintentionally an i wish i could take back the pain i have caused them. but hopefully they can either move on an take the experiance an grow from it or somehow find it in their hearts to forgive me.my prayers go out to them each morning an night.